The Emmys: Are you [bleeping] kidding me?
September 17, 2007
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
The Emmys were so boring, the only fun part was seeing Sally Field and Katherine Heigl say dirty words and Ray Romano say a synonym of one. But Fox censored each outburst, killing the only rare moments of true personality.
Heigl, Izzie on "Grey's Anatomy," won best supporting actress in a drama. The camera flashed to her in the audience in time to catch her saying "s---," though you didn't hear the word, and the director switched to a different camera in silence.
"I've worked my ass off," she also said, feeling very empowered during a thank-you speech.
Ray Romano joked that his ex-TV wife Patricia Heaton will soon be TV-banging Kelsey Grammer on a new Fox show, but whatever word Romano used for "banging" was too much for Fox, which silently cut away from him.
Sally Field of "Brothers & Sisters" won for dramatic actress and went on what seemed to be a giddy war rant: "Lets face it. If mothers ruled the world, there would be no godd---" ... something-something. Her voice got muted, and the camera switched off of her.
"The Sopranos" creator David Chase also made a political statement, sort of. His show got three swan song Emmys -- for best drama, writing and directing -- even though the last season was hit-and-miss.
He said the show was essentially just about gangsters getting things done, and "if this world and this nation was run by gangsters -- well, maybe it is."
"30 Rock" won best comedy, thank God, since it's the best show on TV.
But everything else was pretty stupid. All of us with good taste just kept waiting to see if Britney Spears would pop up (as rumored) and apologize for being the untalented slag she was at last week's MTV awards.
Britney was a no-show. But she could have apologized for the whole Emmy show.
Britney could have apologized that a big winner of the night was the AMC miniseries called "Broken Trail." I had to watch "Broken Trail." Did anyone else subject their brains to it? Yeah, it kinda super sucked.
Britney could have apologized for the musical number where slick dudes from "Jersey Girls" Chipmunk-sang the Four Seasons' "Walk Like a Man" while scenes from "The Sopranos" flashed in tiny blurs on walls behind them.
Britney could apologize that an announcer pronounced Heigl as "Hay-gl" (like "bagel") when the "Knocked Up" star was presenting nominations. Heigl's hackles hoisted up, and she sniped, "It's 'Hi-gle.' "
Britney could apologize for host Ryan Seacrest being tedious from start to finish. He began by guessing actors' fashion choices. This made Hugh Laurie look very Britishly uncomfortable.
Seacrest told just one good joke. He congratulated Hayden Panettiere from "Heroes" on turning 18: "My gift [to her is] seating you as far away from Jeremy Piven as possible." (If you haven't heard, Piven has stuck his tongue in a mouth or three.)
Piven, the Chicagoan on "Entourage," won best supporting actor in a comedy and joked about his other reputation, that he's a buttface: "I want to thank the entire crew. I don't know any of their names."
Britney could apologize for Judy Davis, who won a supporting actress award for the horrible "Starter Wife" miniseries, but award presenter Marcia Cross said she didn't know where Davis was and walked off stage.
And Britney should apologize for E!'s boob craze during its preshow coverage. We all love boobs, but models were forced to disrobe to their waists to reveal how their magical undergarments/pasties protected them from accidents. No men dropped trou to reveal banana hammocks.
delfman@suntimes.com
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
The Emmys were so boring, the only fun part was seeing Sally Field and Katherine Heigl say dirty words and Ray Romano say a synonym of one. But Fox censored each outburst, killing the only rare moments of true personality.
Heigl, Izzie on "Grey's Anatomy," won best supporting actress in a drama. The camera flashed to her in the audience in time to catch her saying "s---," though you didn't hear the word, and the director switched to a different camera in silence.
"I've worked my ass off," she also said, feeling very empowered during a thank-you speech.
Ray Romano joked that his ex-TV wife Patricia Heaton will soon be TV-banging Kelsey Grammer on a new Fox show, but whatever word Romano used for "banging" was too much for Fox, which silently cut away from him.
Sally Field of "Brothers & Sisters" won for dramatic actress and went on what seemed to be a giddy war rant: "Lets face it. If mothers ruled the world, there would be no godd---" ... something-something. Her voice got muted, and the camera switched off of her.
"The Sopranos" creator David Chase also made a political statement, sort of. His show got three swan song Emmys -- for best drama, writing and directing -- even though the last season was hit-and-miss.
He said the show was essentially just about gangsters getting things done, and "if this world and this nation was run by gangsters -- well, maybe it is."
"30 Rock" won best comedy, thank God, since it's the best show on TV.
But everything else was pretty stupid. All of us with good taste just kept waiting to see if Britney Spears would pop up (as rumored) and apologize for being the untalented slag she was at last week's MTV awards.
Britney was a no-show. But she could have apologized for the whole Emmy show.
Britney could have apologized that a big winner of the night was the AMC miniseries called "Broken Trail." I had to watch "Broken Trail." Did anyone else subject their brains to it? Yeah, it kinda super sucked.
Britney could have apologized for the musical number where slick dudes from "Jersey Girls" Chipmunk-sang the Four Seasons' "Walk Like a Man" while scenes from "The Sopranos" flashed in tiny blurs on walls behind them.
Britney could apologize that an announcer pronounced Heigl as "Hay-gl" (like "bagel") when the "Knocked Up" star was presenting nominations. Heigl's hackles hoisted up, and she sniped, "It's 'Hi-gle.' "
Britney could apologize for host Ryan Seacrest being tedious from start to finish. He began by guessing actors' fashion choices. This made Hugh Laurie look very Britishly uncomfortable.
Seacrest told just one good joke. He congratulated Hayden Panettiere from "Heroes" on turning 18: "My gift [to her is] seating you as far away from Jeremy Piven as possible." (If you haven't heard, Piven has stuck his tongue in a mouth or three.)
Piven, the Chicagoan on "Entourage," won best supporting actor in a comedy and joked about his other reputation, that he's a buttface: "I want to thank the entire crew. I don't know any of their names."
Britney could apologize for Judy Davis, who won a supporting actress award for the horrible "Starter Wife" miniseries, but award presenter Marcia Cross said she didn't know where Davis was and walked off stage.
And Britney should apologize for E!'s boob craze during its preshow coverage. We all love boobs, but models were forced to disrobe to their waists to reveal how their magical undergarments/pasties protected them from accidents. No men dropped trou to reveal banana hammocks.
delfman@suntimes.com
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