REVIEW | CBS' episodes show bikini cheesecake, but Showtime's versions go further, faster
July 11, 2007
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
Since Earth is merging into One Giant Company, CBS is showing live feeds of "Big Brother 8" on Showtime, its main cable channel. And, oh, is it a different experience on Showtime.
I haven't seen sex acts on the cable version yet. But Showtime commercials flash scenes from previous seasons to prove bare bottoms and multiperson showers might be on the horizon.
Here's a difference. On the CBS episodes, women are shown in bikinis for cheesecake factor, grabbing their breasts, covered in butter.
But on Showtime, you see contestant Jen in a bikini bottom so small you can make out impressions of nooks and crannies in the fabric. A fellow contestant, "Evil" Dick, said if the wind were to blow on Jen's privates, well ... the Sun-Times won't let me finish that sentence.
"What's she wearing, like a 10-year-old girl's bikini?" Evil Dick said. "If that thing was wedged up any higher, that [animal-female body part reference] would be as big as the [several words my editors won't let me print] between my legs."
Dick is my favorite of the 14 contestants. He's a name-dropping bar worker slimed in tattoos and an eyebrow ring. That's not what makes him great. He's great because he's the most cynical, at 44, so he sees right through the young dummies.
On uncensored Showtime, he said about a femme: "I f--- girls on a regular basis that are way hotter than her." Yeah, Dick's a weasel.
In a twist this season, CBS brought in "enemies" of contestants. Dick arrived to create conflict with his crying daughter Daniele; they hadn't talked in two years. Two others have fought since they were kids. And Dustin and Joe are ex-lovers from Chicago. Joe accused Dustin of giving him gonorrhea, which Dustin denied.
Joe is a mess. In the same breath, he said to his ex: "Dustin, you are honestly someone I could have seen myself spending a long, long time with. There's just one thing you can't get over, and it's your lying! ... You're a bad person who's only out for yourself!"
Why would Joe want to spend his long life with a bad, lying egoist, if that's even true?
It's typical of "Big Brother" that this fame-seeking cast is not just white bread but stereotypical and designed to engage in garden-variety conflict. Most of the women have cried already. And while watching episodes on CBS and Showtime, I noticed:
• The one black contestant, Jameka, did much of the cooking and cleaning. On CBS, she said, "I am not used to being around all these white people."
• To contrast the flamboyantly gay Chicagoans comes the one suburban mommy, Kail, who made an anti-gay comment after grabbing her big book: "I have to bring my Bible."
• And dumb Carol said she didn't find Jen (who cried because she didn't like her official "Big Brother" photo) a person of substance "because of her giant boobs." Meow.
In Jen's defense, she stated, "My body is not my only asset," while she simultaneously poked her bikini bottom at the camera.
The downfall is, as always, there is nothing for these morons to do. They just sit around and chat about nothing if they talk at all.
Even CBS' condensed shows drag with a butter-slathering contest and little else. On Showtime, the excitement early Monday was a situp class and Amber putting on makeup. I've met funnier, cooler people on cruise ships. On cruise ships, people!
Showtime's act is slower and more mind-numbing, like Amber's strategizing: "Carol told me that Jen told her that ..."
But then, other than Dick, the only thing going for "Big Brother 8" is watching the Showtime feed on DVR and fast-forwarding to see if anyone gets naked. Is that crass? Yeah. Fine. I'll take crass over watching dum-dums sit in chairs and stare at air.
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
Since Earth is merging into One Giant Company, CBS is showing live feeds of "Big Brother 8" on Showtime, its main cable channel. And, oh, is it a different experience on Showtime.
I haven't seen sex acts on the cable version yet. But Showtime commercials flash scenes from previous seasons to prove bare bottoms and multiperson showers might be on the horizon.
Here's a difference. On the CBS episodes, women are shown in bikinis for cheesecake factor, grabbing their breasts, covered in butter.
But on Showtime, you see contestant Jen in a bikini bottom so small you can make out impressions of nooks and crannies in the fabric. A fellow contestant, "Evil" Dick, said if the wind were to blow on Jen's privates, well ... the Sun-Times won't let me finish that sentence.
"What's she wearing, like a 10-year-old girl's bikini?" Evil Dick said. "If that thing was wedged up any higher, that [animal-female body part reference] would be as big as the [several words my editors won't let me print] between my legs."
Dick is my favorite of the 14 contestants. He's a name-dropping bar worker slimed in tattoos and an eyebrow ring. That's not what makes him great. He's great because he's the most cynical, at 44, so he sees right through the young dummies.
On uncensored Showtime, he said about a femme: "I f--- girls on a regular basis that are way hotter than her." Yeah, Dick's a weasel.
In a twist this season, CBS brought in "enemies" of contestants. Dick arrived to create conflict with his crying daughter Daniele; they hadn't talked in two years. Two others have fought since they were kids. And Dustin and Joe are ex-lovers from Chicago. Joe accused Dustin of giving him gonorrhea, which Dustin denied.
Joe is a mess. In the same breath, he said to his ex: "Dustin, you are honestly someone I could have seen myself spending a long, long time with. There's just one thing you can't get over, and it's your lying! ... You're a bad person who's only out for yourself!"
Why would Joe want to spend his long life with a bad, lying egoist, if that's even true?
It's typical of "Big Brother" that this fame-seeking cast is not just white bread but stereotypical and designed to engage in garden-variety conflict. Most of the women have cried already. And while watching episodes on CBS and Showtime, I noticed:
• The one black contestant, Jameka, did much of the cooking and cleaning. On CBS, she said, "I am not used to being around all these white people."
• To contrast the flamboyantly gay Chicagoans comes the one suburban mommy, Kail, who made an anti-gay comment after grabbing her big book: "I have to bring my Bible."
• And dumb Carol said she didn't find Jen (who cried because she didn't like her official "Big Brother" photo) a person of substance "because of her giant boobs." Meow.
In Jen's defense, she stated, "My body is not my only asset," while she simultaneously poked her bikini bottom at the camera.
The downfall is, as always, there is nothing for these morons to do. They just sit around and chat about nothing if they talk at all.
Even CBS' condensed shows drag with a butter-slathering contest and little else. On Showtime, the excitement early Monday was a situp class and Amber putting on makeup. I've met funnier, cooler people on cruise ships. On cruise ships, people!
Showtime's act is slower and more mind-numbing, like Amber's strategizing: "Carol told me that Jen told her that ..."
But then, other than Dick, the only thing going for "Big Brother 8" is watching the Showtime feed on DVR and fast-forwarding to see if anyone gets naked. Is that crass? Yeah. Fine. I'll take crass over watching dum-dums sit in chairs and stare at air.
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