APPOINTMENT TV | Sometimes, you fall out of love with a show
May 6, 2007
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
Your favorite TV show treated you right for a while. It gave you sultry nights, maybe a happy Valentine's Day or a very special Christmas. But lately, it's gotten stupid, annoying and predictable.
So, should you divorce your show?
It's a tough call. Can you give up your TV boyfriend Wentworth Miller along with his dumb drama, "Prison Break"?
Can you finally break up with "Lost" since it never tells you what's on its mind?
After all, you're already seeing "Heroes" on the side.
These are hard choices facing my women friends, or at least the ones who watch TV with the zeal of a McSteamy shower.
I know three Stephanies, and all three are sick of getting teased by silly "Grey's Anatomy," yet they've had trouble dumping it. Two of my Stephanies have given "Grey's" its walking papers. The third Stephanie -- referred to hereafter as "Steph" -- is on the verge of a separation.
"I'm having a hard time doing it," Steph says. "You want to end it, but you don't, because then you'll be all by yourself. Seriously, I'm like that with 'Prison Break' right now. I'm like that with 'Lost'; I don't even know why I'm TiVoing it."
There are now more hit shows to break up with than to make up with. And they lend themselves to the following guide to understanding your dysfunctional TV relationships.
SHOWS THAT HATE WOMEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM
'Lost'
You've invested a lot of work in this relationship, but it's going nowhere. Steph once respected "Lost's" theories about spirituality and sociology, but its unwillingness to share information with her is annoying.
Steph says "Heroes" (a much more open communicator) is wooing her away from "Lost," and the two serials don't even air on the same night.
"It makes more money and it treats me nicer," Steph says of "Heroes."
My friend Emily says "Heroes" is more attractive to her, too, since it "gives me depth and gives back."
Emily likens "Lost" to the following exchange with a guy:
Emily: "Wow, you're so mysterious. Tell me about your jungle that sucks people in. That sounds really interesting. I would love to know more."
"Lost": "No. You don't get to know more."
Emily posits an astonishing theory: "It's a show about how women ruin everything." That is, all the women seem to exist as little more than wombs to be impregnated, or troubled subjugates to the men's misogynistic desires to alter their pregnancies and boss them around.
One strong woman is supposed to be Kate. She killed her stepfather to protect her mother from abuse. But then Kate's mom shunned Kate.
"That's not a good message," Emily says. "Even if you're strong enough that you should be looked up to, you get douched on by your mom. 'Heroes' doesn't have that same misogynistic tendency."
MENAGE A TROIS GONE WRONG:
'Grey's Anatomy'
The alluring threesome is a) viewers, b) the show's female form and c) McDreamy/McSteamy two-dimensional men. But the stories take forever to develop.
And characters do dumb things constantly, like when Izzie stood frozen with fear in one spot in front of the hospital for a whole day, after severely mourning the death of a fiance she didn't even know. That was the stupidest thing I've seen on TV this season, and I watched the debut of "Drive."
Steph is one of my last female friends who truly watches "Grey's." But she forgets she TiVos it, then remembers, then goes, "Oh, I guess I can watch this."
Tick, tock, "Grey's."
THE HOT CHICK
'Prison Break'
There's just one reason stupid "Prison Break" still exists. Wentworth Miller.
"It's like how guys start dating a hot chick, and then they start talking to her and realize she's a big dolt, and then they're just having sex with a hot chick, and you know it's not really going anywhere, and you get tired of her," Steph says.
"Wentworth Miller is the hot chick," she says. "I'm getting bored with it. Like, 'Aw, it's Monday, I've gotta watch "Prison Break." ' Whatever."
THE PITY RELATIONSHIP:
'The Sopranos'
Steph's ultra bored by it, yet she's seeing it through to the bitter end. " 'Sopranos' is like the guy with a beloved grandma who's dying that you can't leave," Steph says. "But secretly you can't wait for it to die."
EXES WHO WON'T GO AWAY:
'Desperate Housewives' and 'Scrubs'
"I went out with 'Desperate' for the first year, and I couldn't stand Susan -- Teri Hatcher -- so I just stopped watching," Steph says. "She's just so whiny. She always does stupid stuff, and her hair's annoying, and there's already enough annoying people in my life."
THE SEASONAL HIT-IT-AND-QUIT-IT:
'American Idol'
Some fans hit "Idol" at the start, when the singers are mostly bad, then quit it. Others are attracted to "Idol's" back half, when the singers are better. But ratings show a whole lot of people quit "Idol" when Sanjaya got ejected.
delfman@suntimes.com
ALSO DYSFUNCTIONAL
Exes You Barely Remember: "ER," "Survivor," "The Bachelor" -- Some relationships just run out of steam.
The One in a Rut: "How I Met Your Mother" -- Who's the mother already? Who's getting married already?
The Overeager Beaver: "Veronica Mars" -- Creator Rob Thomas says he alters scripts in response to fan postings and CW executives' suggestions. He's too eager to please, and earlier this season that eagerness came across as weak-willed.
BETTER RELATIONSHIPS
The New Steady: "Heroes" -- It pays attention to your needs and answers your questions in a timely manner, yet it's still mysterious, cool and charmingly dorky.
Friend With Benefits: "Entourage" -- Or, if you prefer, it's a one-night stand, every week. "It's mindless, like good sex," Steph says. "Half an hour, in and out. No strings, you know."
The One That Makes You Laugh: "The Office" -- Tells funny stories you can share with friends. "It's a controlled environment," Emily says. "It's safe. You always know the boss will say something inappropriate, and you always know Jim will come to the rescue and say something cute to the secretary."
It's Just Not That Into You: "House" -- Dr. House behaves like an ass, but you can't get enough of him.
The Physical Trainer: "24" -- Lately, all that activity "24's" been putting you through feels like one workout too many. But what shape would you be in without it?
What stage of disrepair is your TV relationship in?
CODEPENDENT: You always view first-run episodes.
FLING: You record it but don't always get to it, the way you'd let a frequent date's phone messages go to voice mail.
GRIEF COUNSELING: You gab with friends about the show's problems.
BROKENHEARTED: You split, but occasionally view old repeats to recollect better days, as you would a relationship photo album. When you run into friends who still hang out with the show, you ask who the characters are seeing now.
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
Your favorite TV show treated you right for a while. It gave you sultry nights, maybe a happy Valentine's Day or a very special Christmas. But lately, it's gotten stupid, annoying and predictable.
So, should you divorce your show?
It's a tough call. Can you give up your TV boyfriend Wentworth Miller along with his dumb drama, "Prison Break"?
Can you finally break up with "Lost" since it never tells you what's on its mind?
After all, you're already seeing "Heroes" on the side.
These are hard choices facing my women friends, or at least the ones who watch TV with the zeal of a McSteamy shower.
I know three Stephanies, and all three are sick of getting teased by silly "Grey's Anatomy," yet they've had trouble dumping it. Two of my Stephanies have given "Grey's" its walking papers. The third Stephanie -- referred to hereafter as "Steph" -- is on the verge of a separation.
"I'm having a hard time doing it," Steph says. "You want to end it, but you don't, because then you'll be all by yourself. Seriously, I'm like that with 'Prison Break' right now. I'm like that with 'Lost'; I don't even know why I'm TiVoing it."
There are now more hit shows to break up with than to make up with. And they lend themselves to the following guide to understanding your dysfunctional TV relationships.
SHOWS THAT HATE WOMEN AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM
'Lost'
You've invested a lot of work in this relationship, but it's going nowhere. Steph once respected "Lost's" theories about spirituality and sociology, but its unwillingness to share information with her is annoying.
Steph says "Heroes" (a much more open communicator) is wooing her away from "Lost," and the two serials don't even air on the same night.
"It makes more money and it treats me nicer," Steph says of "Heroes."
My friend Emily says "Heroes" is more attractive to her, too, since it "gives me depth and gives back."
Emily likens "Lost" to the following exchange with a guy:
Emily: "Wow, you're so mysterious. Tell me about your jungle that sucks people in. That sounds really interesting. I would love to know more."
"Lost": "No. You don't get to know more."
Emily posits an astonishing theory: "It's a show about how women ruin everything." That is, all the women seem to exist as little more than wombs to be impregnated, or troubled subjugates to the men's misogynistic desires to alter their pregnancies and boss them around.
One strong woman is supposed to be Kate. She killed her stepfather to protect her mother from abuse. But then Kate's mom shunned Kate.
"That's not a good message," Emily says. "Even if you're strong enough that you should be looked up to, you get douched on by your mom. 'Heroes' doesn't have that same misogynistic tendency."
MENAGE A TROIS GONE WRONG:
'Grey's Anatomy'
The alluring threesome is a) viewers, b) the show's female form and c) McDreamy/McSteamy two-dimensional men. But the stories take forever to develop.
And characters do dumb things constantly, like when Izzie stood frozen with fear in one spot in front of the hospital for a whole day, after severely mourning the death of a fiance she didn't even know. That was the stupidest thing I've seen on TV this season, and I watched the debut of "Drive."
Steph is one of my last female friends who truly watches "Grey's." But she forgets she TiVos it, then remembers, then goes, "Oh, I guess I can watch this."
Tick, tock, "Grey's."
THE HOT CHICK
'Prison Break'
There's just one reason stupid "Prison Break" still exists. Wentworth Miller.
"It's like how guys start dating a hot chick, and then they start talking to her and realize she's a big dolt, and then they're just having sex with a hot chick, and you know it's not really going anywhere, and you get tired of her," Steph says.
"Wentworth Miller is the hot chick," she says. "I'm getting bored with it. Like, 'Aw, it's Monday, I've gotta watch "Prison Break." ' Whatever."
THE PITY RELATIONSHIP:
'The Sopranos'
Steph's ultra bored by it, yet she's seeing it through to the bitter end. " 'Sopranos' is like the guy with a beloved grandma who's dying that you can't leave," Steph says. "But secretly you can't wait for it to die."
EXES WHO WON'T GO AWAY:
'Desperate Housewives' and 'Scrubs'
"I went out with 'Desperate' for the first year, and I couldn't stand Susan -- Teri Hatcher -- so I just stopped watching," Steph says. "She's just so whiny. She always does stupid stuff, and her hair's annoying, and there's already enough annoying people in my life."
THE SEASONAL HIT-IT-AND-QUIT-IT:
'American Idol'
Some fans hit "Idol" at the start, when the singers are mostly bad, then quit it. Others are attracted to "Idol's" back half, when the singers are better. But ratings show a whole lot of people quit "Idol" when Sanjaya got ejected.
delfman@suntimes.com
ALSO DYSFUNCTIONAL
Exes You Barely Remember: "ER," "Survivor," "The Bachelor" -- Some relationships just run out of steam.
The One in a Rut: "How I Met Your Mother" -- Who's the mother already? Who's getting married already?
The Overeager Beaver: "Veronica Mars" -- Creator Rob Thomas says he alters scripts in response to fan postings and CW executives' suggestions. He's too eager to please, and earlier this season that eagerness came across as weak-willed.
BETTER RELATIONSHIPS
The New Steady: "Heroes" -- It pays attention to your needs and answers your questions in a timely manner, yet it's still mysterious, cool and charmingly dorky.
Friend With Benefits: "Entourage" -- Or, if you prefer, it's a one-night stand, every week. "It's mindless, like good sex," Steph says. "Half an hour, in and out. No strings, you know."
The One That Makes You Laugh: "The Office" -- Tells funny stories you can share with friends. "It's a controlled environment," Emily says. "It's safe. You always know the boss will say something inappropriate, and you always know Jim will come to the rescue and say something cute to the secretary."
It's Just Not That Into You: "House" -- Dr. House behaves like an ass, but you can't get enough of him.
The Physical Trainer: "24" -- Lately, all that activity "24's" been putting you through feels like one workout too many. But what shape would you be in without it?
What stage of disrepair is your TV relationship in?
CODEPENDENT: You always view first-run episodes.
FLING: You record it but don't always get to it, the way you'd let a frequent date's phone messages go to voice mail.
GRIEF COUNSELING: You gab with friends about the show's problems.
BROKENHEARTED: You split, but occasionally view old repeats to recollect better days, as you would a relationship photo album. When you run into friends who still hang out with the show, you ask who the characters are seeing now.
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