Macho mixed blessing for 'Entourage'

April 6, 2007
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic

Dear women, Here are four things you may learn about guys from watching the first five new episodes of "Entourage":

GUYS SOMETIMES LIE TO GUY FRIENDS ABOUT YOU: Sure, Vince (Adrian Grenier) could tell his entourage he's on his way to a hot tub with a certain woman they distrust. But if he does, they'll only stand in his way, with their ulterior motives. Better to lie now and explain later.

WOMEN ARE THE DOGS THEY WALK: Two guy friends -- nicknamed Drama and Turtle -- go to a dog park to cruise chicks. Drama, a wise buffoon, tells us to avoid a girl walking a Lhasa Apso. Hot chicks who own those finicky pooches are fussy, thus making it too hard to seduce them. (Girls: Try wearing a T-shirt that reads, "My Dog is CUTER than Your Dog." This will make you easier prey.)

GUYS CAN ONLY WAIT FOR THE DOORS OF THE GOLDEN PALACE TO OPEN: When E's girlfriend gives him the silent treatment, he asks if she will speak to him soon. "Oh, I'll talk," she says, "but I wouldn't expect much else." Ergo, women have all sexual power. Men must wait them out.

GUYS GET DISTRACTED WATCHING GIRLS IN TUBS: I had to watch Vince's hot-tub scene twice to hear the dialogue, because the first time, the visuals of the soapy naked actress sapped energy from my ears.

Pearls of wisdom like these are routine in "Entourage." The HBO series follows the lifestyles of movie star Vince, his nickname-laden entourage (Turtle, E, Drama) and Vince's longtime agent Ari (Jeremy Piven).

When the current third season halted for a break in August, Vince was firing Ari for no great reason. The season resumes with the question: Will Vince take Ari back or will they keep going separate ways while Vince tries to land big film roles?

But at its core, the thrust of these new, typically decent episodes isn't all that Hollywood finagling. The breezy comedy more strenuously chronicles everyone's personal relationships and how-to-pick-up-girl routines.

Vince, of course, has no trouble getting women. The last time I saw Grenier in person, female journalists were swarming him and trying to contain swoons, as one of the swarmers described it to me later.

His buddies don't have the Vince sparkle in their eyes, nor his skinny tallness, full hair, facial structure or star eyebrows. So they have to work a little harder/ lie to the ladies.

"Entourage" never pretends the protagonists are all sweet people (although Vince is kind of sweet). "Entourage" often makes men look as appealing as "Trainspotting" did heroin.

You could easily argue women come across better. E's grumpy girl aside, the episodes feature smart, sexual women in power roles, and no-nonsense wives who don't deny their sexual appetites. A female therapist has the spine to call Ari (accurately) a low-life narcissist.

Ladies often speak as macho as the men do. A female talent agent in competition with Ari cracks at him, "Want me to walk you to your car? This town's not safe for a bitch."

Speaking of Ari, Piven's still the best thing about "Entourage." Of all the macho, not-good guys in the show, he's the not-goodest macho-est.

Ari tries to pimp out his gay assistant Lloyd (Rex Lee, the second-best thing about "Entourage") to entice business from a gay potential client.

"Your love of [male genitalia] is a huge asset to this company," Ari explains.

All in all, what you have here is the usual "Entourage":

• A stereotypical dude's fantasy, populated with glamorous, strong, carnal females; golf outings, and courtside scenes at L.A. Lakers games.

• Male guest stars men know well, such as Ed Burns, Adam Goldberg, Pauly Shore and Artie Lange.

• And the most important thing: Jeremy Piven makes Ari an intensely enjoyable and sympathetic arse.

Just about the only time women aren't enchanting or powerful is when they're under Ari's control. At his talent agency office, he snatches a snack out of the mouth of a heavyset woman and remarks of her dietary choice: "Skip it, Jenny."

So there's the fifth thing women can be reminded about from watching "Entourage": GUYS ARE FATISTS WHO WILL POUNCE ON YOU THE FIRST CHANCE THEY GET.