'Wedding Bells' after 'Idol' -- stupid

March 7, 2007
BY DOUG ELFMAN
Chicago Sun-Times
'The Wedding Bells" has been promoted so often on Fox, I felt like I had seen it before I actually saw it.
In one over-advertised scene, a wedding photographer tells a bride to lick her lips for sexy pictures. She makes an ugly sweeping motion with her tongue. That was cute the first time I saw it -- not the 15th time.
That's the danger of movie trailers and commercials for TV shows. They ram vibrant scenes down your throat until they've A) convinced us not to see something, or B) partly spoiled our viewing experience if we check it out.
Fortunately, Fox ads didn't ruin much, as "The Wedding Bells" is an anemic, unfunny romantic comedy about a trio of wedding-planner sisters who produce elaborate, expensive affairs for wacky people.
Characters introduce themselves and others as if the characters know we are watching them and need simple descriptions of their very essence, like:
• "You sisters -- you own your own business. You're all beautiful."
• "Stella Pontelle, mother of the bride. I'm an acquired taste. I'm here to discuss the menu."
• And: "She just saw me for what I am, I guess -- a wedding singer."
Everyone Just Happens to Catch Each Other in Awkward Situations. A chef spoon-feeds a dish to wedding planner Jane. He coos in broken English, "Explode in your mouth, like the orgasm." Jane's husband just happens to walk in.
It's dumb like that.
"The Wedding Bells" may deserve some benefit of the doubt, because David E. Kelley created it, and he's writing the scripts. This is the same Kelley who made "Boston Legal" (still good), "Ally McBeal" (half very good, half pretty dumb), "Picket Fences" (almost all good), "L.A. Law" (mostly very good) and "The Practice" (which I didn't watch much of).
Kelley is like the antithesis of J.J. Abrams. Abrams knows how to start a series ("Alias," "Felicity" and "Lost") but not how to sustain it. Kelley may falter at the start of new shows but he develops them into entertaining studies.
Still, tonight's sneak preview episode limps to the altar with only a few slightly humorous lines, one runaway bride, one wedding and no funerals, and no best friend's wedding.
But knowing Kelley and his penchant for topical and traditional themes, he'll mine all that territory before you can say "gay marriage" and "heinous bridesmaid dresses."