John Waters goes campy? Naaah

"Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam."
The Impressive Clergyman
in "The Princess Bride"

March 16, 2007
BY DOUG ELFMAN Television Critic
Jealousy isn't usually a topic the U.S. government talks about. But last year, the Centers for Disease Control said jealousy is a main factor in a lot of American murders.
Here's a killer stat. One of every three murdered women is slain by her squeeze or an ex. Men are luckier. Only 5 percent of men die of love (not counting suicide). So if you're wedded and you have bullets at home, good luck with that.
Certain death at the hands of a loved one is the gist of many episodes of the various "Law & Orders" and "CSIs." But it's the only motive in " 'Til Death Do Us Part."
"Death" is a new half-hour drama on murder-happy Court TV. Fiction on Court TV might not sound right. But this week, the channel said in 2008 it will have a new name (not yet announced) and more reality shows, too.
Every week, "Death" tells the story of a different couple's voyage from wedded bliss to brutal murder to body disposal. It's not a great show, but it's a good concept.
Campy filmmaker John Waters charmingly introduces and concludes each installment with a Hitchcockian stand-up. At the wedding in the second episode, Waters (as "The Groom Reaper") eyes the smiling couple.
"Although they're both riding in the front of the hearse today, in just six years one of them will be riding in the back," he says.
The production values on "Death" look a step above a Cinemax sex flick. And the actors mostly sound like they're just reading the script. They don't put any chill or humor in the promising dialogue.
A manipulative wife spurns her sex-pleading husband: "Remember the last time you wanted to 'get down' during lunch?" Her older, frustrated husband replies, "I smiled for a week?"
The first two episodes are predictable and suspense-free. You can tell quickly which spouse is probably gonna get extinguished by a sharp knife or a bag over the head. There's no excuse for that. If you watch a "Law & Order" episode about a domestic murder, its storytelling will keep you guessing for most of the hour.
But "Death" does make you wonder why there aren't more crime shows about love and marriage, which is Public Enemy No. 2 or 3, according to CDC stats and police reports. Ask any cop about domestics.
Or you can ask your partner if he's planning to put you in a coffin. Surely he'll be honest with you, since he loves you so much.

WHAT ELSE IS ON?

"Friday Night Lights" (6 p.m., Bravo): One of the most critically acclaimed shows of the year hasn't been a big hit. Now NBC's cable station, Bravo, gives it extra exposure by running the first season through March -- at 6 p.m. Fridays and 2-5 p.m. Saturdays.

"Intervention" (9 p.m., A&E): The reality show starts a third season of friends and family confronting their addled beloveds. Up first: Dude's all jacked up on OxyContin.

"1 vs. 100" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Bob Saget wraps up the game show's successful first season. At 8 p.m., Penn Jillette's game show "Identity" returns.