A bad day in bed
Video games are weird. In "Bionicle Heroes," you portray a man/machine made of Legos. You walk past beautiful caves, green hills and deserts, shooting other Lego creatures, which blow up into little Lego parts. Then you absorb the spiritual energy of these evil dead Legos.
That's right, evil dead Legos.
The downside is you may pick up 61,000 evil dead Lego souls in an hour. It's like sweeping Lego spirits with a Lego broom all Lego day.
When I reviewed "Bionicle," all that Lego-killing made my eyes feel sleepy. Fortunately, I was in bed. I stayed under the covers all day with "Bionicle" and a stack of other to-be-reviewed games, and they were all bed-wrecking disappointments.
The others:
• "Battlestations: Midway" should be up my alley. As a kid, I pieced together World War II battleships and planes out of toy pieces all the time.
"Battlestations" is not as fun as gluing planes together. When you're flying, you have to shoot a bazillion bullets at any Japanese plane over the Pacific to make it catch fire. When you steer a ship, it's too easy to explode evil boats. Winning World War II should be more entertaining than this.
• "Blazing Angels: Squadrons of World War II" sends you flying over Europe. The flying is cool. It's easy to comprehend how to shoot enemy planes. And the skies are lovely, though London looks like a miniature toy set.
But apparently, yours is the only plane truly fighting on behalf of the Allies, while armies of enemy planes come streaming into your sights. You're supposed to shoot down all these bad guys to save World War II? Please. I can't even save a plant from dying.
• "NCAA March Madness '07" is the college basketball game I thought would save my day. Wrong-o.
Oh sure, you can play as almost any real college team. But unlike Take Two's awesome "College Hoops NCAA 2K7," "March Madness" makes players look sort of freaked out. They run and shoot in clunky styles, as if their legs are made of Legos.
And the defenses create busy work. Either you or the computer-controlled team is always stealing the ball or drawing fouls. Who wants to spend entire basketball games fouling opponents and shooting from the line? Not me.
("Battlestations: Midway" for Xbox 360 -- Plays average; looks fine; it's relatively easy; rated "T" for mild suggestive themes, use of tobacco and or alcohol, violence and language. Two stars out of four.)
("Bionicle Heroes" for Xbox 360, PS 2, GCube and DS -- Plays average and redundant; looks great; it's easy; rated "E 10+" for fantasy violence. Two stars.)
("Blazing Angels: Squadrons of World War II" for PS 3 and Xbox 360 -- Plays fun until it becomes frustrating; looks very good, mostly; it's challenging; rated "T" for mild language and violence. Two and one-half stars.)
("NCAA March Madness '07" for PS 2 and Xbox 360 -- Plays slightly above-average; looks OK; it's challenging; rated "E." Two stars.)
That's right, evil dead Legos.
The downside is you may pick up 61,000 evil dead Lego souls in an hour. It's like sweeping Lego spirits with a Lego broom all Lego day.
When I reviewed "Bionicle," all that Lego-killing made my eyes feel sleepy. Fortunately, I was in bed. I stayed under the covers all day with "Bionicle" and a stack of other to-be-reviewed games, and they were all bed-wrecking disappointments.
The others:
• "Battlestations: Midway" should be up my alley. As a kid, I pieced together World War II battleships and planes out of toy pieces all the time.
"Battlestations" is not as fun as gluing planes together. When you're flying, you have to shoot a bazillion bullets at any Japanese plane over the Pacific to make it catch fire. When you steer a ship, it's too easy to explode evil boats. Winning World War II should be more entertaining than this.
• "Blazing Angels: Squadrons of World War II" sends you flying over Europe. The flying is cool. It's easy to comprehend how to shoot enemy planes. And the skies are lovely, though London looks like a miniature toy set.
But apparently, yours is the only plane truly fighting on behalf of the Allies, while armies of enemy planes come streaming into your sights. You're supposed to shoot down all these bad guys to save World War II? Please. I can't even save a plant from dying.
• "NCAA March Madness '07" is the college basketball game I thought would save my day. Wrong-o.
Oh sure, you can play as almost any real college team. But unlike Take Two's awesome "College Hoops NCAA 2K7," "March Madness" makes players look sort of freaked out. They run and shoot in clunky styles, as if their legs are made of Legos.
And the defenses create busy work. Either you or the computer-controlled team is always stealing the ball or drawing fouls. Who wants to spend entire basketball games fouling opponents and shooting from the line? Not me.
("Battlestations: Midway" for Xbox 360 -- Plays average; looks fine; it's relatively easy; rated "T" for mild suggestive themes, use of tobacco and or alcohol, violence and language. Two stars out of four.)
("Bionicle Heroes" for Xbox 360, PS 2, GCube and DS -- Plays average and redundant; looks great; it's easy; rated "E 10+" for fantasy violence. Two stars.)
("Blazing Angels: Squadrons of World War II" for PS 3 and Xbox 360 -- Plays fun until it becomes frustrating; looks very good, mostly; it's challenging; rated "T" for mild language and violence. Two and one-half stars.)
("NCAA March Madness '07" for PS 2 and Xbox 360 -- Plays slightly above-average; looks OK; it's challenging; rated "E." Two stars.)
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