Number 16. Starbucks could let us play mini fucking golf, I mean, if they give a fuck about us
Number 15. Bookstores could let us exercise on elliptical machines while we read Britney fucking Spears’ book about her goddamn grievances
Number 14. Your workplace could let you and other employees play table fucking tennis and motherfucking croquet, even at the police station
Number 13. How would you like to go to a restaurant and they don't give you your food after you burn off some motherfucking calories? I think that would be great for my crippling vanity
Number 12. You know where a good place to work out on a rowing machine would be? A goddamn strip club, that's where
Number 11. You know what TJ Maxx and Ross are missing? Motherfucking aerobics
Number 10. I want to ride a zipline at Walmart and Target and Costco. Let me see capn crunch from the sky
Number 9. You know where a good place to get a fucking massage would be? The gas station, just you and your masseuse and your sweet ass Rolls Royce
Number 8. I've got four words for you: Dollar store karaoke. motherfucker
Number 7. Hospitals and medical offices need to get rid of those busted ass basic walls and hire some goddamn middle schoolers to paint some shit up in there
Number 6. How come Target and Lowe's don't have speed dating yet? What the fuck is that about?
Number 5. I bet I could learn some dream manifestation during yoga and meditation class at my goddamn bank
Number 4. You know what would be great? Riding a fucking pogo stick and doing a hoolahoop in those long ass lines at the post office
Number 3 I bet you'd like to play some motherfucking laser tag while you're waiting for your stupid goddamn car at the mechanic, wouldn't you
Number 2 Why don't HOAs have street festivals with homemade food and crafts and yard sales and shit, every Saturday morning? I'd eat that shit up. I want some fresh ass cookies, Susan
And Number 1 Have you ever heard of key parties? That's where you put your keys in a bowl, and then you have sex with whoever's keys you pull out of the bowl. Don't you think that would be a fun bonding exercise at the grocery store? Key me up baybee.
